Chapter 8 All morning long, Katherine had waited in anticipation to finally see her baby. By now, it was early afternoon, and she could barely wait a moment longer. She was simply becoming more and more anxious. Finally, Gail brought her the news that she had been longing to hear, that her baby had arrived. "Are you sure that you are ready for this Katherine? If you are not, we can postpone this visit," declared Gail Baldwin as she stood next to Katherine's hospital bed. "Yes," responded Katherine emphatically. "I want to see my baby. I promise that I won't become hysterical like I did yesterday. You won't have to have me sedated again. I am perfectly all right." Katherine spoke those words as much for her own benefit as for Gail's. "If you are sure, I will go and tell Mr. Cassadine that you are ready." Heading towards the door, Gail turned around and asked one more question. "Do you want me to stay with you during the visit, just for moral support?" Katherine quickly thought to herself and then answered, "I think it would be best if I met my daughter and this Mr. Cassadine on my own. I can tell that I have become far too dependent on you already these past few days." Gail responded by giving a reassuring smile, "I want you to know that I will not be far away if you find that you need me." "Thank you Gail. I don't know what I would do without you," Katherine replied. When Gail walked into the waiting room, she found an equally anxious Stefan Cassadine. "Mr. Cassadine," Gail spoke. "Katherine is ready to see the both of you now." Slowly, Stefan arose from the waiting room chair with Samantha in his arms. Gail picked up the baby bag, and the two of them walked into Katherine's hospital room. As Stefan entered the room, Katherine desperately attempted to catch her first glimpse of her baby. Without saying a word, Stefan sat down on the side of the hospital bed and began to place the sleeping baby into Katherine's arms. Gail placed the baby bag on top of the nightstand and said, "Katherine, I would like you to meet your daughter Samantha and her father Stefan Cassadine." Not wanting to intrude on this family moment any longer, Gail departed. Silence filled the room as Katherine simply gazed at her newborn baby. She began to stroke the baby's hair, which felt like fine silk to the touch. Then, she gently traced the baby's forehead with her fingertips right down to Samantha's chin. The entire time, Katherine never once took her eyes off her baby. Even though Samantha was wrapped in a blanket, her tiny hands were still visible. Katherine began to touch each finger while mentally counting to herself to make sure that all ten fingers were accounted for. Bending her head down, Katherine kissed the baby's fingers, forehead, and nose. In a soft whisper, for only here baby to hear, Katherine spoke the following words as her voice began to crack with emotion, "I love you Samantha. I love you so very much." When Katherine looked up, her eyes locked with Stefan who had been a witness to this very special moment. "Thank you for bringing me my baby. My arms have simply ached to hold her ever since Gail told me about Samantha." "There is no need to thank me Katherine. Samantha has needed you as much as you have needed our baby... I have needed you as well." Stefan's voice was equally filled with emotion as he spoke those words. By now, Katherine's eyes were filling with tears of joy. As she brushed them away, she began to explain the confusion that she felt. "This is such an awkward circumstance, meeting Samantha and yourself for really the first time. I almost don't know what to say. I feel as though I should apologize for not recognizing you. You were by my side when I first awoke, and you treated me with such kindness. However, I treated you like a total stranger." "I do have to admit Katherine that I was hurt when you first asked to see Damian Smith and then Mac Scorpio. It seemed like you remembered everyone but me." "I am sorry," Katherine apologized. "I wasn't asking for an apology," Stefan explained. "I just want you to know how much you mean to me. For a time, I thought that I had lost you forever. However, we have been given a second chance, and I want us to take advantage of this opportunity." The whole time that Stefan had spoken, Katherine had been intently studying his face and mannerisms. She looked for anything that was even remotely familiar about her baby's father. "Before I can even begin to think about the future, I need to have answers to so many questions." "Ask me anything. My life is an open book." Stefan wanted to start the first moment of their future with honesty. He had no desire to lie to Katherine, but he was prepared to lie if he found it to be necessary. He simply waited in anticipation for her first question. Katherine allowed her eyes to fall back towards her baby. Then, she realized what was the most important question that she had to ask. "Were you disappointed that Samantha was born a girl? I know this question must seem strange, but I have to know. Men seem to only want sons... So, were you disappointed with a baby girl?" Relief swept through Stefan. Of the many questions that Katherine could have asked, she had chosen one that he could honestly answer. Stefan raised his arm and tentatively touched the side of Katherine's face with his hand. Thankfully, she did not reject his touch. Then, he began to describe the love that he had for their daughter. "Samantha was born almost three weeks premature. The night that she was delivered, I prayed and I bargained with God. All that I asked for was that our child to be born healthy. Every time that I look at Samantha, I know that she is truly a gift from God." For a moment, Stefan stopped and then he continued. "I would not trade our daughter for a son, not even for a dozen sons." Then, Stefan lowered his hand from Katherine's face. Katherine was filled with joy to hear those words from Stefan. "I believe that you really do love our baby. I grew up without a real father. It hurts a child deeply to have a father who doesn't care." Katherine gave a sigh of relief. "I am so grateful to know that my daughter's life has already started out better than my own." The room filled with silence once again as neither one of them knew what to say next. The silence was broken when Samantha began to squirm in her mother's arms. Next, she let out a small cry to announce that she was hungry. Stefan reached into the baby bag to retrieve a bottle of milk that had been warmed before he had come to see Katherine. Stefan handed the bottle to Katherine, and immediately, Samantha took to the bottle. Katherine was overwhelmed with the experience of feeding her daughter for the first time. "I just have so many questions to ask you Mr. Cassadine about Samantha. How much did she weigh when she was born? Does she sleep through the night? Does she cry very often?" Stefan smiled as he watched mother and daughter. Then, he began to answer Katherine's simple questions. "Samantha weighed 4 lb. and 11 oz. She sleeps almost through the whole night except for her 2 o'clock feedings, and she most definitely cries to let me know when she is hungry or wants to be held... Please, do try and call me Stefan. Mr. Cassadine is just too formal." Nodding in agreement, Katherine next asked, "How did you come to name our baby Samantha Elizabeth? It is what I would have chosen, but how did you know?" Stefan began to relate the night they had made love and had made a baby. "The night that Samantha was conceived you told me that you thought we had created a baby. You described the hopes that you had for our baby and the name you wanted to give the child if we had a girl. That night at Wyndemere on Spoon Island was the most special night of our lives." Katherine was able to recall the image of Spoon Island in her mind and the mansion that occupied it. "I didn't realize that you and Samantha lived on Spoon Island." "My hope is Katherine that once you have recovered that you will come back and live at Wyndemere with Samantha and myself. It is our home." "You really mean that?" Katherine asked earnestly. "Wyndemere is my home." "Of course, Wyndemere is our home. It is where we lived together before… before the accident." Thinking about the night of the engagement party brought instant sadness to Stefan. However, now was not the time to think about the past. He had to focus on the future. Katherine tried to remember what little she had been told about her life before the memory loss. "Gail did tell me that we were once engaged to be married." "No, that is not true," Stefan answered as he shook his head. Emphatically he stated, "We are in fact still engaged to be married. My fondest hope is that one day soon you will do me the honor of finally becoming my wife." Katherine was confused by that last statement. "You do know Mr. Cass… I mean Stefan that part of my memory is gone forever. It is not going to return." "Yes, I know that Katherine," Stefan replied. "I don't want you to feel obligated to stay in a relationship with a woman who doesn't even remember the last several years of her life." Katherine spoke without hesitation. "I would never want to be a burden to you or to anyone else." "You could never be a burden to me Katherine. Ever since the accident, all that I have wanted was to turn back time and to change the outcome of that night." Reaching into his coat pocket, Stefan removed a small black box. "I have been telling myself that I needed to wait before giving you this. As far as you are concerned, I am just a stranger. You really do deserve more time to adjust to your new circumstances. However, I want to make my feelings perfectly clear from the beginning so that there are no misunderstandings. I am still in love with you Katherine. As far as I am concerned, we are still engaged." Opening the lid to the small black box, a diamond engagement ring was revealed. Taking Katherine's left hand, Stefan slipped the ring onto her finger. "I love you Katherine. I want to continue our engagement with the hope that we will soon be married." Katherine was left speechless by the diamond engagement ring that was now on her left hand. She had spent only a short time with this man, and already he had declared his love not only for Samantha but for herself as well. "I don't know what to say," Katherine said in disbelief. "I can't possibly accept this ring. I don't know what the future may bring." "You most certainly can and will keep that engagement ring. I don't expect you to return the same feelings that I have for you, at least not right away. However, like I said before, I wanted there to be no misunderstandings from the start as to my own feelings. I love you Katherine." By now, Samantha was finished with her bottle and was ready to go back to sleep. For the rest of the afternoon, Katherine simply held her sleeping infant and talked with Stefan about Samantha. Every question that Katherine asked revolved around their baby. She wanted to know about every minute of Samantha's life since the day she had been born. Katherine purposely steered the conversation away from their personal life. She was not sure if she was ready to hear about that part of her past. In a sense, Stefan was relieved that Katherine preferred to discuss their daughter rather than their past. The time when Katherine would ask detailed questions about their past together would come soon enough. Several hours later, Stefan realized that evening had approached. Sadly, he knew that their visit had to come to an end. Samantha needed to return home due to the harsh winter weather in Port Charles. "I am afraid that Samantha and I are going to have to leave. The weather forecast is for subfreezing temperatures tonight. It is already becoming quite late." Katherine placed one last kiss on Samantha's forehead and reluctantly let go as Stefan took the baby out of her arms. She had grown so accustomed to holding their baby over the past few hours that she now felt as though a piece of herself was missing. In a hopeful voice, Katherine asked, "Will you bring Samantha back to the hospital tomorrow?" Stefan was pleased to know that Katherine had already formed such a deep emotional attachment to their baby. "Of course, I will bring Samantha tomorrow and every day after that." Stefan was now standing with Samantha in his arms. With one hand, he reached into the baby bag that was on the nightstand and took out a packet full of pictures. "I have had pictures taken of Samantha at every turn since she was born. Perhaps later on this evening, you might like to look at them." "Thank you," Katherine replied as she took the pictures from Stefan's hands. "They will help me endure the wait until I see Samantha again." The room was filled with an awkward tension as they spoke their good byes for the evening. Stefan broke the uneasiness by leaning down and placing a kiss on Katherine's lips. The gesture had caught Katherine totally off guard. Then, Stefan said one last time, "I love you Katherine." Just as he was about to leave with their daughter, Katherine spoke, "Could you please bring me my journal tomorrow?" "Your what?" He asked. "Could you please bring me my journal," Katherine repeated. I have kept one my entire life. I think reading it will help me deal with my memory loss. It will help me fill in the gaps of my life." Without hesitation, Stefan responded, "I am sorry Katherine, but I can't ever recall you keeping a journal while we lived together. For some reason you must have stopped keeping one." Katherine was stunned by the news. Before she could question him further, Stefan left with Samantha. With only photographs in her hands, Katherine was all alone. -------------------- After putting Samantha to sleep in her nursery, Stefan walked down the hallway to his own bedroom. He walked across the room and opened the wallsafe, which was covered by a picture. After he removed a leather-bound book, he sat himself down in a chair next to the fireplace. As the fire crackled, Stefan looked at Katherine's journal as he began once again to think about the past. He had already told his first lie to Katherine today. Just hours ago, he had lied when he had told Katherine that she had no longer kept a journal. In fact, she had kept a journal throughout the entire time they had lived together at Wyndemere. He could remember watching her very diligently writing her thoughts down whenever he came to the guesthouse. After she had supposedly died, Mrs. Lansbury had put Katherine's belongings away in storage. Stefan had just assumed that her journal was also in storage. However, he had never bothered to look. Consequently, he had been wrong. After Stefan thought he had murdered Katherine on December 10, 1998 at the Port Charles Hotel, he had been desperate to cover his trail. In the end, he had done his job well. Because even though he had been a suspect, all the police attention had actually focused on Helena Cassadine. Several guests at the hotel had identified Helena as leaving the room of Katherine Bell close to midnight on that fateful night. It was not until the next morning that a maid had actually found the body. Right before the police were about to arrest Helena for the murder of Katherine Bell, Stefan had gone to Helena's yacht. When he had arrived, the place was deserted. The guards were gone, and Helena was gone as well. He had almost left before deciding to search the yacht. During his impromptu search is when he had found Katherine's journal. In Helena's haste to flee the police, she had left the journal behind. Stefan had taken the journal but never once in the following days did he read any of Katherine's words. He had been too busy. Christmas was approaching, and he had wanted to focus all of his attention on winning Laura Spencer for himself, once and for all. However, it was December 26, 1998 when his reality had been shattered. For that was the day when he learned two terrible truths. First Nikolas was not his son, and second, the woman he thought he had murdered was not Katherine Bell. Instead, he learned that he had strangled to death a stranger with no name. The revelation had been discovered due to a simple autopsy. An autopsy had been done on the body after the murder, and the results did not match the medical records of Katherine Bell kept on file at General Hospital. At that time, the police did not know who this woman was that had been murdered. However, the answers began to fall into place days later when Dr. Tony Jones had called from Greece saying that the real Katherine was indeed alive. When Stefan had flown to Greece to see for himself if the true Katherine really was alive, the Greek police were already on Cassadine Island. One of Helena's cohorts was in custody. The man told the whole story of how Helena had whisked Katherine out of General Hospital and brought her to Greece. Helena's plan, the man revealed, had been for Katherine to quickly recover so that Katherine could aid Helena in her quest to take over the Cassadine Empire. However, Katherine had been in such a deep coma that Helena had to devise a different plan. The alternate plan was to replace Katherine with an imposter. For the entire summer of 1998, Helena and her accomplices had searched for a look-alike. Then, as luck would have it, a woman with a striking resemblance to Katherine Bell, had been found working as an unknown actress in London. The woman, named Lauren Masters, had been overwhelmed by the money offered by Helena and had quickly agreed to take part in the charade. Little did this woman know that his hoax would cost her life. Stefan then realized how Helena had pulled off such an elaborate charade that had fooled all of Port Charles, New York. Helena had found a woman to pose as Katherine and had obtained Katherine's journal. Lauren Masters not only had looked like Katherine, but she had known Katherine's innermost thoughts. No wonder the plan had succeeded so well. Stefan began to open Katherine's journal. He had read her words constantly time and time again since bringing her back to Port Charles in early January 1999. One would think that the words were providing him great comfort, but one would be wrong. The words that Katherine had written actually caused him great pain to read because the journal was really full of sadness. It recounted her struggle to walk again after the paralysis he himself had caused. Katherine had never once named him as the unknown shooter in her entries. She had protected him even in her most private thoughts. Later, the journal described the humiliation Katherine had endured when he had publicly dismissed her from her position in the public relations department at General Hospital. Finally, the entries detailed the doubts Katherine had felt leading up to their engagement party. -------------------- Slowly, Stefan turned to a page in the journal that had been made in late April 1998. He put on his glasses that were in his front coat pocket. Then, he began to read a journal entry that had been written just days before he had proposed marriage to Katherine. It certainly is lonely here in the guesthouse tonight. Nikolas is in town, and Stefan is away somewhere on business. Stefan was so furious with me when I confessed to him that I had spoken to Luke Spencer. I actually think that I saw hate in his eyes. I know that I should never have told Luke that Stefan had once been in love with Laura. However, I did it to prevent more conflict between the Cassadines and the Spencers. I had thought that by telling this fact to Luke would illustrate my point that Stefan would never harm Laura or any Spencers because of the feelings he had once felt for Laura. I wonder if in actuality I had lied to Luke. I am beginning to think that Stefan's love for Laura is not in the past but in the present. Just weeks ago, Stefan went on a mysterious business trip. When he returned, he told me that he had gone to North Carolina to speak to Laura about Nikolas. Now, Stefan is gone once again. Somehow, I just know that he went to see Laura. When I asked Nikolas today if he knew where his Uncle had gone, he said that he had no idea. I think Nikolas lied to me. Stefan and Nikolas have been so secretive lately. At one time, I really did feel like a member of the family. Now everyday, I feel more and more like an outsider, like a stranger. For weeks now, I have been thinking that I might be losing Stefan. Tonight, I have come to realize that I never really had him to lose in the first place. I am truly beginning to believe that his heart has always belonged to Laura. Perhaps, the best course of action for me to take is to simply leave the island before Stefan returns. At least then, I will be able to retain some pride by leaving him before he leaves me for Laura. -------------------- Stefan then skipped ahead several pages in the journal to the entry made by Katherine on the eve of the Bacchanalian Ball. Tomorrow night is going to be the happiest night of my life. Stefan is going to announce our engagement to the world. It is hard to believe that all my dreams are finally starting to come true. I am so glad that I did not leave the island like I had once planned. Still, I wish the doubts in the back of my mind would go away. The other day, I went down to the wine cellar. In the corner, there was what looked like to be a large picture covered by a canvas. Today, the picture is gone. Also, on the third floor of the west wing, one of the rooms is locked. I can never remember that room being locked before. When I asked Mrs. Lansbury, she said that Stefan had the key. The problem is that Stefan is still being so secretive. I don't want to start a fight, not before the engagement party. However, I am starting to think that the stories he has told me about the dress and the emerald engagement ring that I am to wear tomorrow night are a lie. When I told the seamstress how the dress had been in the Cassadine family for generations, she had been skeptical. She said that she had a great deal of experience with fabrics and from her estimation, the dress was no more than 20 - 25 years old. Why would Stefan lie? I wonder if the story behind my engagement ring is just another lie. Yet, what really upsets me is that Stefan never says that he loves me. He has only ever once said those words, and that was at Serenity. I know that as long as he tells me tomorrow night before the world that he loves me, I can forgive any lies that he has told. -------------------- Just as slowly as he had opened the journal, Stefan closed it. He could not even begin to count the number of times he had read those same entries over and over again. Today, he had told Katherine three times that he loved her. Yet, she had never once returned those same feelings. Realistically, Stefan knew that it was too soon to expect Katherine to say those same words. But now, he honestly understood her pain that she expressed in her journal. It hurts to tell a person "I love you" and never once hear those same words in return. As Stefan looked at the fire, he wondered if the journal he held in his hands should be destroyed. Katherine could never again read the words that she had once written. For if she did, Stefan knew that he would lose her and Samantha forever. Nonetheless, he could not bring himself to burn Katherine's thoughts. So, he arose from his chair and put the journal back into the wallsafe. Stefan just hoped to himself that he would not come to regret the decision. -------------------- Katherine felt terribly alone for the rest of the evening without her baby and without Stefan. They had spent the entire afternoon together, just like a real family. Already she missed them. Katherine toyed with her diamond engagement ring as she stared down at her left hand. Over and over again, she replayed Stefan's declaration of love in her mind. Katherine wondered to herself if she would ever be able to return those same feelings. Sighing to herself, Katherine laid back against her pillows. It had upset her to learn today that she no longer had kept a journal. Katherine could barely remember a time in her life when she had not kept one. She had started as soon as she had learned to write. Yet, what really made Katherine feel uneasy was the way Stefan had responded when she had asked about her journal. The entire question had seemed to put him on the defensive. As Katherine continued to think about those words she had shared with Stefan that afternoon, she began to look at the numerous baby pictures. She wanted to find a special picture to have framed so it could be kept by her bedside. Looking through the photographs, Katherine realized that it was worth losing a part of her memory if it meant having Samantha in her life. As she came to the end of the stack of pictures, one photograph caught her interest. At first, Katherine did not even recognize the woman in the picture. Then after a few seconds of careful examination, Katherine identified the woman as Laura Spencer. Katherine wondered to herself, why would Laura Spencer be holding Samantha with Stefan at her side?